For your consideration, a dramatic re-enactment of an incident that took place during my morning commute today, with apologies to Jehovah's Witnesses everywhere:
A pair of smartly-if conservatively-dressed JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES step onto a subway train, each holding a stack of pamphlets. As the doors close behind them and the train begins to move, they split from each other, each heading for a different end of the car. The younger of the two, an attractive young lady, approaches DISQUE, a twenty-something male on his way to work. Disque glances up as she approaches, and removes his headphones. A pair of TEENAGERS sitting across the aisle from Disque watch their exchange with interest.
D: Hi, can I help you?
JW: Hello there. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?
D: No. Have you accepted Alizée Jacotey as yours?
JW: I’m…sorry, who?
D: Alizée Jacotey. She’s a singer from France. Here, this is her.
(D pulls a sticker out of his pocket and hands it to JW.)
JW: (smiles) She’s very pretty.
D: She has an incredible voice, too. Would you like to hear one of her songs?
JW: No, that’s OK, I—
D: You really don’t know what you’re missing. Here, let me play ‘Ella Elle L’a’ for you. It’s practically gospel, you’ll dig it.
JW: I don’t think…listen, have you ever given any thought to your soul—
D: You want soul? I’ve got a blues remix of one of her songs on here, too.
JW: No, listen…
(JW tries to hand back the sticker, along with one of her pamphlets)
D: Oh no, you keep that. I’ve got plenty. You see the URL on there? I’ve got a blog, you oughta check it out.
JW: O…kay.
(Uncomfortable beat as JW draws the pamphlet back to her.)
JW: Would…you be interested in learning more about Jesus?
D: Would you be interested in learning more about Alizée? I have a free DVD I could give you, here—
(Disque pulls his backpack into his lap, unzips it, and begins digging through it.)
JW: Ah…no, that’s OK. I, uh, think this is our stop…
(The train exits the tunnel into a subway station. JW signals her companion, and turns towards the door.)
D: Nono, here!
(D jumps up and thrusts a DVD at JW, who looks at it like it’s carrying the bubonic plague.)
D: You should play this at your next meeting or revival, or whatever! Your friends will really get into it. It might seem a little suggestive at points, but overall—
JW: I’m sorry, I have to go.
(JW hurries over to her companion, and hustles him out the door onto the subway platform. D calls after her as the doors close behind them.)
D: MAKE SURE YOU VISIT THE WEBSITE!
(D shrugs, and sits back down as the train begins to start back down the tunnel, watching as JW and her companion have a very animated discussion on the platform. One of the teenagers leans forward, laughing.)
T: Dude, that was awesome!
D: Thanks. Either of you want a free DVD?
And scene...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
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Har har...I don't know of any Jehovah's Witness who would introduce a conversation by asking if you had accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and saviour. We've received better training than that.
ReplyDeleteBut, funny little vignet anyway.
@ Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteYou're right, in that she probably didn't. The actual conversation that took place went on much longer than one stop. But that wouldn't be interesting to read, and I don't have an eidetic memory anyway. What I've done above is more or less recreate the highlights of it, in an effort to preserve the essence of the encounter.
She did, at one point early in the conversation, ask the 'lord and savior' question (I remember, because it amused me what a cliché it was) and I did respond by asking if she'd accepted Alizée as hers. We went back and forth a lot more than I've written above--she was actually pretty cagey, in that she negotiated me into trading one factoid about Alizée for every one of hers about JC--but she did eventually tire of the effort when it became clear she wasn't getting anywhere, and I did more or less chase her off the train.
Sorry if I offended. I'm not sitting in judgement of JW's either way, just sharing an amusing anecdote.
You are a badass, Disque. That's all I have to say.
ReplyDelete